


Corner of the World 24: Hauntings

by serafina20



Series: Corner of the World [26]
Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-13
Updated: 2011-03-13
Packaged: 2017-10-16 22:21:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/169965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serafina20/pseuds/serafina20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set during and after "Zero", Lex deals with his treatment at the hands of not-Jude.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corner of the World 24: Hauntings

Twelve years ago, the first thing Lex had done on waking from his meteor-induced coma was ask for Kal. The nurse on duty assumed he meant the doll that had been sitting across the room since Lex had arrived and gave it to him. She never understood why, after giving him the object, Lex's eyes had welled with tears.

He had gazed at the doll for a long moment, finger tracing its hair, eyes, and mouth. A tear rolled from his eyes as Lex tilted his head, biting his lip in concentration as he intently studied the doll.

And then, Lex saw something that made him smile. As the doctors rushed into the room, Lex wiped his eyes, lifted the doll to his mouth, and kissed it on the forehead.

"Cal," he whispered, holding the doll closely.

The doctors began their examination, poking and prodding him, asking how he felt, etc. Holding the doll tightly to his chest, Lex calmly answered each question, able to ignore the pity on their faces that he could see but not understand, perfectly self-contained.

When he saw his refection later, saw his naked scalp and unfamiliar reflection, Lex didn't cry. He simply nodded, set the mirror down, and lay back. Clutching Cal, he closed his eyes and drifted back to sleep.

***

The problem with Kiptin was that it was only accessible through sleep. Since he first created it, Lex had tried going other ways. When he first went back to school after losing his hair, he would find quiet corners, close his eyes, and imagine himself there. When home for the holidays, he went to the dozens of hiding places in the mansion, trying to force himself out of his body and into Kiptin. Sometimes, he would ignore anyone who bothered him, pretending they didn't exist or he couldn't hear them. He would create stories about what he and Kal would do next, the games they'd play, the fun they'd have. The way Kal would hold Lex and make the terrible ache go away.

But, stories and daydreams were all they were. If Lex wasn't asleep, he couldn't get there.

Lex's inability to slip away on command was one of the reasons the psychologists had been reluctant to diagnose him with a serious mental condition. It was not as if he retreated into his mind and became unresponsive to any external stimuli, as his father had proved one afternoon when Lex had been ignoring everyone. Even Lex couldn't ignore being doused with cold water and pricked with a pin a dozen times. Instead, Lex would slip away and try to go to sleep.

Lex took a lot of naps growing up. Until Kal disappeared from his mind--or, rather, until Lex stopped bringing the imaginary boy into his dreams when things got too rough, Lex would find a place to curl up and drift off to sleep, escaping to Kiptin.

Now, though, as much as he would like to escape, Lex wasn't quite in the mood to sleep. It was hard to say exactly why he wasn't. After all, there were so many reasons to choose from.

Reasons ... such as the dead cows littering the field that existed in Lex's mind's eye. Cows that were part of Clark's future, the part that helped him have a future because cows equal income and income equals some sort of inheritance for Clark. A way to get out of Smallville and create a real future for himself. And part of that future is dead because of Lex.

Reasons ... such as the look on Jonathan's face when Lex had arrived. It was already hard enough to disappoint his own father, but with Jonathan it was harder. Jonathan, the man whose approval Lex desperately needed and craved. Instead, Lex got that look of extreme disappointment. Loathing and disgust Lex could deal with. Disappointment was worse.

Reasons ... such as the look of betrayal on Martha's face. Martha, who cared for him. Martha, who made Lex brownies and tried to comfort him when he was hurt or unsure, no matter how much Lex pretended he didn't need it. Martha, who as a mother, tried to extend her love even to him. Looking at him with an expression of betrayal and an expression that said, "First the cows. What's next?"

Reasons ... such as the fact Lex could no longer reach Clark. He had thought that maybe Clark was too disappointed and upset at him because of the murdered cows and had raised his shields, but it wasn't like that. Ever since Lex had been tasered, Clark had simply disappeared. There were no shields, no mental evasion, no indication that Clark even really existed. Just a black hole, like Clark had been taken away from him, making Lex feel emptier than he had since his mother had died.

They were all valid reasons to keep his mind awake and sleep at bay. But, there was more. Like the strait jacket that held him too tightly, making his arms and back ache fiercely. And the fact that his head was pounding from hanging upside-down too long. And that he was hanging over a concrete floor by a chain, emphasizing how out of control he really was. Any of those reasons was enough to keep Lex from Kiptin. But he had a feeling it was actually because Jude Royce--who was dead--was currently fucking his mouth.

Lex really thought it was the last.

With a vicious bite to Lex's thigh and loud grunt, Jude--or, rather, not-Jude-- came. Lex choked, panic making it hard to breathe as he tried to swallow the viscous fluid that filled his mouth. It was disgusting, the most vile substance he'd ever tasted--which was funny because, in the past, Lex had enjoyed the taste of semen--and Lex just couldn't force his throat muscles to work.

Suddenly, not-Jude pulled away. "Don't choke. I need you alive for a bit longer. Do what you want with it, but don't die."

Lex immediately spit, coughing and sputtering. Half of it leaked onto his face, coating his cheeks and eyes, making him feel dirty.

Spitting one last time, Lex managed to rasp, "What the hell do you want from me?"

Not-Jude knelt in front of him, tracing his face almost lovingly. "He didn't mention you were so beautiful."

"What?"

"I said I didn't remember you being so beautiful." Not-Jude's voice was hard and ugly, suddenly, making Lex's stomach clench.

"Who are you?" Lex demanded, trying to regain some sort of control--and at least the veneer of sanity--over the conversation.

"Don't you know? Don't you remember?"

Squeezing his eyes shut, Lex shook his head.

A damp tongue began lapping at his cheeks. "Were we lovers, Lex? I have to know. Is that why you killed me? Lover's quarrel?"

"God, no," Lex said before he thought, forgetting for a moment that this wasn't really Jude.

Not-Jude bit his cheek. "Are you trying to say that you don't find me attractive? Because I don't, for one second, believe that you don't take it up the ass."

"You've kidnapped me, abused me, hurt people I care about and you expect me to find you attractive?" he shot back.

Raising an eyebrow, Jude walked out of Lex's line of sight. "People you care about, huh? I didn't think you cared about anyone but yourself, Lex. And you still aren't answering my question."

There was a noise and Lex was suddenly hoisted higher in the air. Swinging wildly, Lex fought his stomach which was contemplating joining the rebellion led by his throbbing head. Swallowing hard, Lex said, "We've only just met. We never could have been lovers."

And then not-Jude was back, smacking him hard on the face. "You know who I am, Lex."

"No." Lex's eyes fell shut. "I don't."

"Look at me, Lex. Remember." He forced Lex's eyelids open, smiling into Lex's face.

Coughing, Lex shook his head. "You look like someone I once knew. But I don't know who you are."

Not-Jude lifted an eyebrow. "I am someone you used to know." His eyes turned lustful again as he raked his gaze up Lex's body.

Lex averted his eyes, licking his lip and wincing. _Clark,_ he thought despairingly. _Where are you?_

"Talk to me, Lex," not-Jude said in a husky voice, rubbing his face against Lex's. "God, your skin is so smooth. So soft and perfect. He would have been a fool not to be your lover."

"Leave me the fuck alone!" Lex shouted, trying to swing away. "Look, I have a lot of money. And power. Let me go, and I'll give you what you want."

Laughing, not-Jude kissed him, thrusting his tongue inside Lex's mouth. It felt like a spongy slug and tasted about as good.

Lex gagged.

Pulling back, not-Jude kissed the tip of his nose. "It's tempting. Really, Lex, tempting. But you can't give me what I want."

"What do you want? Just tell me and I'll make it happen."

Not-Jude smiled wistfully and rose. "What I want is the truth about what happened, justice for it, and you chained in my bed."

"Then why am I not there? What the fuck is all this?"

"Before I can have you, I need to find out the truth."

"About what?" Lex all but shouted in desperation.

"About ..." Not-Jude's phone rang. "Hello?" Looking at Lex, he said, "I'll be back. Think about what I'm going to do to you when I return." Then he left, disappearing into the darkness.

Closing his eyes, Lex tried to relax. There was a chance that, if he was able to calm his nerves and forget about the pain he was in, he'd be able to find Clark. There was no one else Lex could reach, trapped as he was. Even if Damien had returned from England, he probably hadn't reached Smallville yet, so there was a good chance he didn't even know Lex was missing. Raines knew nothing about what was going on, and wouldn't have the first clue where to look if he did realize something was amiss. Mabel might realize something had happened, but she too wouldn't know where to look.

Clark was Lex's best bet. Of course, Lex couldn't sense him anymore, so it wasn't doing Lex any good.

When Lex was eleven years old, before Kal had disappeared, a psychologist had taught him a relaxation exercise. Lex had been having trouble at school, trouble that manifested itself as trembling limbs and a constant headache. He'd begun cutting class, and finding hidden places outside--often damp and cold--to sleep. Worse, the extra sleep had made him less tired at night, so Lex had taken to wandering the halls and grounds, getting into even more trouble.

The exercises had helped. Lex stopped napping and spent more time in Kiptin at night until Kal had left. Better, Lex had learned to deal with people without losing his cool, giving him power.

Taking a deep breath, Lex began going through the steps. He hadn't done it in years, ever since his father had made a snide remark and slapped him when Lex had tried it the first Christmas he'd spent not hiding in the closet. He really wasn't sure if he was going to be able to relax his mind enough; he was out of practice and feeling out of control. But he had to try.

After a few minutes of patterned breathing and fixed concentration, Lex felt some of the panic beginning to slip away. A picture began to take form. Darkness was all around him, but he was hanging over something made of light and air. Taking another breath, Lex slowly let it out, counting the beats. As he did, the air took shape, forming tall domed walls. He was outside, but Lex could see through the clear walls into the empty room.

He breathed in for eight even counts. Holding his breath, Lex watched as the bed appeared. Exhaling for six, the rest of the furniture came into view, toys neatly placed in a trunk, books lined on the shelf, three candles burning on the nightstand, a fire roaring in the brand new fireplace.

Excitement burst in his belly, causing the picture to waver. Ignoring it and the room beneath his floating body, Lex refocused on his breathing.

A carpet rolled over the floor, matching the one in Clark's room. A vase with sunflowers appeared on the mantel. Kiptin began to look like home.

Except, Lex couldn't get in. Biting his lip, still breathing steadily, he tried to ease his way into the room, instead of outside.

He was thrust back. Lex could feel his body swinging--his real body, not the astral projection--in response.

Trying not to get upset and lose the image, Lex tried again. Once more he was repelled.

"Dammit," he whispered, frustration rising in his throat.

And then, Kiptin began to disappear.

"No!" he shouted, trying to get back to the relaxed state. His breath caught as he tried, not allowing him to breathe steadily as before. "Clark!" Lex cried, feeling himself slipping away.

Suddenly, something tugged him. Feeling as if a hand had grabbed his ribcage, Lex was yanked out of his body and across the astral plane. Fear closed his throat as the seemingly impenetrable walls of Kiptin grew closer. Closing his eyes, Lex felt himself crash through them, hurdling down to the floor and into the oh-so-solid arms of his lover.

"Where are you, Lex?" Clark asked, holding him tightly.

Not believing what had happened, Lex pulled back. "Clark?" he asked, touching Clark's face with his fingertips.

Nodding, Clark took Lex's hand and kissed each finger. "Yes. It's me. I heard you calling, finally. You," he broke off as Lex wrapped his arms around Clark and hugged him tightly, face buried in Clark's neck.

For a long moment they stood there, wrapped around each other. Lex could feel the bond being repaired, the tears and burns that the taser had wrought in Lex's mind healing and becoming whole once more.

"It's ok, Lex. I'm here now. It's going to be ok," Clark said softly. "But I need you to talk to me."

"Clark, where are you?" Lex asked softly, hands digging into Clark's lower back.

Clark began walking backwards slowly. Sitting on the bed, he pulled Lex onto his lap. "I'm leaving Smallville, heading for Metropolis. I think that's where you are, but it's hard. Something happened and I can't sense you all that well. I didn't even realize you were in trouble until I felt you calling me here."

Lex sniffed, pulling away slightly. "I was tasered and hurt. I couldn't feel you."

"I couldn't feel you either. I thought ... I thought you were just upset about the land and the cows and everything. And how I treated you. So I was giving you space. But then, when I couldn't get a hold of you, I got worried. That's when I realized it wasn't that you were blocking me, but that you weren't there."

"I'm sorry. For this whole mess."

"I know." Clark's hands were soothing on his back. "Where are you? Lex!" His voice was suddenly panicked.

"Clark!" Lex grabbed onto him, trying not to fade away as his real body flared in pain and tried to force his mind back.

"Stay, Lex. I mean it."

"I can't. I have to go back."

Clark kissed him suddenly, passionately and possessively. "You can't leave." His voice was harsh as he gave his command.

Heat flared through Lex. His body grew more solid, mind disconnecting itself from his pained body.

"Better?" Clark asked softly, lips on Lex's cheek.

Taking a deep breath, Lex nodded. "Yeah."

Sighing, Clark kissed his forehead. "Where are you? I'm almost to Metropolis and I need to know."

Lex shook his head. "I don't know. I was unconscious and it's dark. I don't know where I am."

"Where's your apartment? The one you sent Kasitch to?"

Lex thought a moment, trying to figure out the best way to give directions, when suddenly, Clark nodded. "I can find that."

"How did you ..."

Smiling, Clark raised an eyebrow. "We are in your mind, Lex."

"Oh. Right."

Clark kissed him suddenly, very fiercely. "I've got to go. I can't rescue you if I'm here. I want you to stay."

Shaking his head, Lex said, "Clark, I won't be able to once you're gone. I'm too tired and hurt."

"You have to. Stay right here until I come and get you. Got it?"

Clark's eyes were midnight blue and determined. Scary.

Sighing, Lex nodded. "Yeah. I'll stay."

Rising, Clark lifted Lex and laid him on the bed. Kissing him once more, he whispered, "I'll be there soon, Lex. I promise." Then he faded away.

Closing his eyes, Lex began his breathing exercise again. He concentrated on the cool temperature of the room, the soft silk beneath him, the whistling wind outside. Gradually, his breathing slowed and the panic receded. Clark was right; he could stay here. It was, after all, Lex's refuge from the world. What it was created for. A safe haven.

Suddenly, the world lurched.

"No!" Lex bolted up. The room was wavering around him as his stomach rolled, twisting unpleasantly. "No, I have to stay. I ..."

A wave of nausea forced him to close his eyes. When he opened them again, he was upside-down back in the--fuck, he was in Club Zero. Why didn't he realize that before?

He was still alone. In pain, sticky and dirty, but alone. Maybe Clark would get there before ...

"Are you ready to talk now?" a voice asked through the darkness.

Apparently not.  
***

 

Lex insisted he was all right, but Clark carried him into the penthouse anyway. Lex had argued against it, but Clark figured it was easier to continue carrying him since they had run from the club. Lex didn't have his wallet on him and Clark was too anxious to get Lex behind locked doors to wait for a taxi. Before Lex had even finished his argument for the taxi, they were at the penthouse.

"That was interesting," Lex gasped, pulling his face away from the shelter of Clark's chest.

"Sorry. But I had to get you home."

"I've always wondered what if felt like to move as fast as you do. I think, now that I know, I'd rather not go through it again." He kissed Clark's cheek as if to take away the sting of his words. "Well, put me down. I need to talk to the doorman anyway to get inside. I seem to have left my keys back in Smallville." His voice was light, but the exhausted edge worried Clark.

"Yeah, ok." Setting Lex on the ground, they left the alley they were hiding in.

Lex walked slowly, as if everything pained him. Clark had checked him before they left the club; he was bruised, battered, sore, and had a hairline fracture on one of his ribs, but nothing life threatening. He had brushed away Clark's suggestion that they go to the hospital, insisting that all he needed was a bath and some sleep.

Clark hoped he was right, but was still worried. The dead man had taken Lex's cell phone; Clark had got it back before they left, intending to call Damien at the earliest possible moment. Now that Lex had been found, Clark needed to make sure that people knew--but only those he trusted. As angry as he was at Damien for allowing this to happen to Lex, Damien would want to know. He'd also tell Clark--whose stomach was so knotted with anxiety that he felt ill--what to do.

The doorman immediately called the guard when Lex informed him that they needed an escort to Lex's penthouse. Without asking any questions as to Lex's state or why he didn't have his key, the guard took them to the top floor, unlocked the door, and left.

"Finally." Clark shut the door behind them, locking it securely.

"We were only with them for two minutes, Clark," Lex said, walking unsteadily to the couch.

"I know, but ... but I don't want you around people right now. I want you here. Locked behind doors. Safe."

Laughing slightly, Lex collapsed onto the couch and curled into a ball. "I don't know what safe is anymore."

Clark frowned. "I'm sorry it took me so long to realize you were gone. I really just though that you were blocking me out." Running a hand through his hair, he shifted his weight, trying to restrain himself from grabbing Lex and carrying him off to the bedroom to be reclaimed. Lex seemed so fragile right now. Breakable. Clark was afraid if he acted on his instincts, he'd just hurt Lex more. It was the reason he'd suggested they go to the hospital in the first place: cold sterile walls and indifferent to concerned doctors would be easier to handle than a six foot four alien forcing himself on Lex. Physically Lex would heal; it was Lex's mental state Clark was afraid for.

"It's ok, Clark. It was probably better that you weren't there at first. He," Lex broke off, swallowing hard. His eyes were fixed on the carpet, slightly glazed.

"I know what happened," Clark said softly, sitting on the floor next to the couch. Tentatively, he reached out and stroked Lex's head. "I could feel him on you when I pulled you in to Kiptin."

"Oh." Lex's voice was very soft. "Well, it doesn't really matter. It wasn't like he ... you know what?" he interrupted himself, rising from the couch. "I need ..." Lex looked around, confused. "Juice. Do we have juice?"

Clark blinked, thrown by the change of subject. He rose. "Uh, I can check."

"Do that. I'm going to clean up. I'm ... sore and sticky and ... get juice and I'll drink some later." And then, very unsteady on his feet, Lex walked out of the living room, disappearing into other parts of the apartment.

Sighing, Clark found the kitchen. There was a carton of orange juice in the refrigerator. Taking it out, he found a tray and a couple of glasses. Hunting through the rest of the kitchen, Clark found some food and loaded that on the tray as well. Then, he picked it up and went in search of the bedroom.

Water was running in the bathroom.

"Lex?" he called through the door.

"I'll be out in a bit. Watch TV or something."

"I have your juice."

The door opened. Lex, naked, gazed expectantly at him. "Well?"

Clark went to the tray and poured a glass. "Do you want any help in there?" he asked hopefully, taking the juice to Lex. His eyes ran over Lex's body and he felt a _pull_ that had nothing to do with sex.

Taking a deep breath, Clark fought down his alien instincts. Now wasn't the time; Lex obviously needed to regroup and organize his thoughts. As much as he wanted, Clark couldn't push.

Shaking his head, Lex took the glass. "No thanks, Clark. I am a big boy." Then he shut the door.

"Well, fine," Clark whispered, stung despite his resolve. Going to the bed, he sat down and pulled the cell phone from his pocket.

Flipping through the numbers stored in memory, he found Damien's and dialed.

It rang three times before Damien answered.

"Yes, sir?"

"This is Clark, Damien. I wanted you to know that I found Lex and that he's not hurt badly." Clark fought to keep his voice even; he was angry as hell at Damien for letting this happen, but nothing would be accomplished if he started yelling.

There was a slight pause. "I wasn't under the impression he was missing," Damien answered carefully.

"He was kidnapped. Why didn't you know? I've been trying to call you all day, and I couldn't reach you. And I just ... I mean, aren't you supposed to take care of him?"

"Ideally, yes. But Mr. Luthor is his own person and will, unfortunately, get into trouble without informing me. I take it you never received my new cell number."

"Oh," Clark said softly. "No, I haven't."

"That is part of the problem. The other, of course, being that I just arrived back from England a few hours ago. I wasn't in contact with anyone from Smallville while I was on the plane. I am sorry. Where are you now?"

Clark let out a shuddering breath and leaned against the headboard. "At Lex's apartment in the city."

"Which one?"

"The penthouse."

"Very well. I'm about an hour outside of Metropolis. I'll turn around and come back. Don't tell anyone except your parents where you are. Don't contact anyone else, especially not Mr. Luthor's bodyguards."

He snorted. "Yeah. Like I trust them." Anger flared through him again, along with some frightening images of what he wanted to do to the people who had failed Lex. His father would be so disappointed.

"Indeed." Damien's voice was wryly amused. "I shall be ... speaking to Mr. Raines quite soon. But first I want to make sure Mr. Luthor is all right."

Sitting up, Clark glanced into the other room. "He's kind of out of it. I mean, he's talking and knows what's going on, but scattered. And scared. He's hurt, but he doesn't want to go to the hospital. And I don't think he wants me ... I'm ... I'm scared, Damien," he admitted. "I don't know what to do."

"It will be all right," Damien responded soothingly.

"I hope so." Clark's voice caught as he the images of what had happened to Lex filled his mind. He'd seen so much when he had pulled Lex into the astral plane; almost too much. He wasn't sure if he could handle it, and he knew he had to. For Lex's sake.

Squeezing his eyes shut until he saw stars, Clark tried to force the images away. They grew stronger, his stomach roiling and breath harder to come by.

"Clark, listen to me," Damien said firmly. "I want you to get yourself a drink, wash your face, and calm down. Don't go to Lex until you feel better. Understand?"

"I ..."

"Having you upset will only upset him more. Is that what you want?"

He shook his head. "No. I want to help him. I want ..."

"I understand what you want, and right now, the best way to help Lex is to be strong for him. Can you do that?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good boy. When we hang up, I'll call Lex's doctor, Dr. Sutton. She will arrive before me. When she does, I will call you so you can let her in. Don't let anyone in until then."

"Ok."

"Will you be all right?"

Clearing his throat, Clark nodded. "Yeah. I'll be fine."

"Very good. Thank you for calling me. I will be arriving soon."

"Thanks. Bye." Clark hung up and lay back on the bed. He felt a little better, knowing that he wasn't alone in this. But it wasn't quite enough. Lex had blocked Clark partially from his mind, but it wasn't like normal. It was ... strange, as if a part of Clark suddenly wasn't responding. He wanted to force his way into Lex's mind and reassure him, but held back. Now wasn't the time. Once Lex was over the shock of the experience, and the world righted itself around him once more, then Clark could soothe Lex in his mind and heal his body. But not until then.

Hopefully, it wouldn't be too long.

***

 

Lex had spent what felt like days on that astral plane before Kal had come. Time was different there, more painful, because there was nothing to do. Nothing to do but walk around the empty void, talk to himself, or cry. He could vaguely hear whispers about what was happening in the real world, knew enough to know that he was in a hospital, but nothing else. Lex was cut off from the rest of the world; all that felt real was what was in his mind, and it had begun to grow dull.

But, without warning, a little boy appeared in the void. Lex had been laying on his back, going over his multiplication tables when there the boy was, standing over him. He had black curly hair and big blue eyes. The only thing he was wearing was a tee shirt that was much too big for him and what looked like diapers, even though, in Lex's opinion, he was old enough to have been toilet trained.

The boy didn't say anything. He simply stood next to Lex, gazing at him through curious eyes.

"Who are you?" Lex had asked, sitting up, happy to have something to do, but wary at the same time. Lex had never really liked meeting new people.

The boy hadn't said anything. Instead, he crouched next to Lex, touching him gently.

A bit annoyed, Lex had batted his hand away. "Don't touch me, please. Who are you?"

The boy tilted his head, frowning. Reaching up, he traced Lex's forehead, then down his cheek.

"I said don't!" Lex pulled away.

"Ne'yek?" the boy asked. He blinked, looking innocent.

Lex frowned; he'd never heard that word before. "What?"

Shrugging, the boy stood and looked around. His bare feet padded on the cold floor as he walked around Lex, taking the nothingness in.

Frowning, he shook his head. Standing next to Lex, he closed his eyes and scrunched his face as if concentrating very hard.

A moment later a building appeared around them, colored in whites and blues, all ice and crystal. Gasping, Lex rose.

"How did you do that?"

The boy simply opened his eyes. When he saw what he had done, he laughed and clapped his hands. Turning to Lex, he held out his hand.

"What's your name?" Lex asked.

Blinking, the boy moved his arm, obviously wanting Lex to take his hand.

Warily, Lex reached out and took the boys hand. It was warm and real. Alive. He made Lex--who was scared and very lonely, trapped in his mind as he was--feel better.

"I'm Lex," he said, putting his hand on his chest. "Lex." He tapped himself for emphasis. Then, he placed his hand on the boy's chest.

The boy frowned slightly.

Tapping is chest again, Lex repeated, "Lex," and placed his hand on the boy's chest.

Eyes widening, the boys smiled. Covering Lex's hand with his small one, the boy said, "Kal."

"Kal," Lex repeated softly. He liked the name. Turning his hand around so he could grasp Kal's, he squeezed it. "I am very glad to meet you, Kal."

Standing on his toes, Kal kissed Lex on the cheek. "Lex."

***

Shaking his head, Lex tried to clear the memory from his mind. It wasn't that it was a particularly bad memory, but the implications of having the memory were not good. It meant that there was a good chance Lex was slipping away or that his subconscious was trying to get him to retreat from the world. He really didn't want that; as hard as his life had been recently, it was too good to want to hide.

Apparently, his mind had other ideas.

Sighing, he wiped his face off and placed the towel back on the rack. The stickiness and dirty feel of sweat and fear was finally gone. Fear, Lex decided, was the hardest thing in the world to wash away. Not-Jude's violation of him had been nothing. Well, perhaps not _nothing_ , but, in the grand scope of things, it hadn't been bad. It was the fear that clung to Lex, as well as the horrible feeling of not being in control.

Which, of course, he wasn't. In control. Of anything, it felt. Somehow, his life and possession of himself had slipped away. And that scared him more than anything else.

He turned from the mirror. All that lived there was too pale skin and too large eyes. He looked like a fucking glass doll; was it any wonder that he was afraid if anyone touched him he'd shatter?

Lex grabbed his dressing gown from the hook and wrapped it around his body. It was a deep blue, one shade away from royal blue, and satin. It was soft and cool against his skin, comforting and perfect. Tying it in place, he opened the door and went into the bedroom.

Clark was lying on the bed, nibbling on what was probably stale popcorn, watching cartoons. His hair was mussed, feet bare, tear stains on his cheeks.

He sat up when Lex entered. "Are you feeling any better?"

Nodding, Lex went to the bed and stretched out. "Yes, I am. What about you?" He traced one of the stains with the tip of his finger.

Clark shrugged. "I'm fine. I'm just really worried about you."

"I'm going to be fine, Clark. Really. This isn't anything I can't handle."

"He raped you." Clark's voice shook.

Sighing, Lex laid his head on Clark's shoulder. "It's nothing."

Growling, Clark rolled on top of Lex, pinning him down. "It's not nothing. He touched you and hurt you and violated you. I'm glad he's dead. I am. You're mine. No one is allowed to touch you unless you want them too."

Lex squeezed his eyes shut, mentally retracting from the pressure Clark was exerting on his mind. "Clark, I'll be fine."

"What's wrong?"

"I just ..." Shaking his head, Lex _pushed_ Clark away gently.

Getting the hint, Clark retreated back into his own mind. When Lex opened his eyes, he saw that Clark looked guilty, and Lex knew that he understood. That he was willing to give Lex the space he needed for the moment.

"Thank you. Now, as for what happened, I can only repeat that I'll be fine. No, I don't feel well right now. I'm shaken, bruised, and a little freaked. But I'll heal." He smiled tentatively. "After all, I'm a Luthor. We're pretty tough. And," he touched Clark's cheek, "I've got a Kent on my side. And as we both know, those Kent's are pretty tough."

Clark returned Lex's smile before his face crumpled. "But he ... he touched you."

Sighing, Lex bared his neck, knowing what Clark needed.

Immediately, Clark buried his face in Lex's neck, biting him gently.

Stroking Clark's hair gently, Lex said, "Please, Clark, believe that I'm going to be ok. If you don't believe it, then how can I?"

Sniffing, Clark nodded. Releasing Lex's neck, he whispered, "I just hate thinking about it. What he did to you." His voice broke.

"Believe me, angel, it's not my favorite part either. I ..." He broke off when his cell phone rang.

Reaching across the bed, Clark picked it up. "Hello? Ok, I'll go check." He climbed off Lex.

"What's going on?"

"Damien. I called him earlier and he said he was going to send your doctor. She's here."

Closing his eyes, Lex moaned softly. "I really don't want to see her right now."

Soft lips caressed his forehead, traveling down to his eyelids, cheeks, chin, then lips. After lingering for a moment, Clark whispered, "Please. For me, will you see her?"

"You said I was fine."

"And I'm still a teenage kid who's just getting used to his powers. I may have missed something."

Lex lifted his head to catch Clark's lips. "Well, she is new. I wouldn't want to piss her off just yet." He kissed Clark again, heart aching because what he needed, more than a doctor, was Clark. But he couldn't say that; Clark had to know without Lex telling him. "Go let her in."

"Thank you." Clark's tongue touched Lex's upper lip, and then he was gone.

Feeling empty, Lex rolled off the bed, found his boxers, and slipped them on. He was laying on the bed again, eyes closed, trying to block off the dangerous emotions flowing through him when Clark and Dr. Sutton entered.

She smiled as she sat on the bed, placing her bag next to her. Unlike any other doctor Lex had ever had, her smile was sincere, as if she was glad to see him and not just his money. "Hello, Mr. Luthor." She pulled out her stethoscope and placed it around her neck.

Lex sat up, resting against the pillows. It was strange to have a woman for a doctor; Dr. Pierce had been his doctor since he was a child. Even his psychologists and other doctors had been male. This felt ... different. Lex wasn't sure if it was good or bad yet.

Nodding politely, he responded, "Dr. Sutton. It's nice to see you again."

"Well, one could hope the circumstances were better, but it is nice to see you again too." She scooted closer to him, breathing warm air on the stethoscope. "Damien said that you were kidnapped? Sorry, deep breath," she instructed placing the stethoscope over his heart.

Lex waited until she was done listening to his heart and breathing before he answered her. "The brother of an old friend kidnapped me. He kept me hanging upside down in a strait jacket for a few hours." He held out his arm so she could take his blood pressure.

Her brow furrowed as she read and recorded the results. "How long were you upside down?"

"I'm not sure."

Pulling a flashlight from her pocket, she checked his pupils, then traced his forehead gently. "Mr. Kent, do you know how long he was missing?"

Clark sat on the bed, thinking. "A few hours."

"Can you be more specific?"

"I don't know when Lex was taken."

"He got me when I was at your farm, Clark." Lex's voice was mildly accusing, although he didn't mean to be. But, he had been taken in broad daylight, mere feet from his boyfriend.

Flushing, Clark closed his eyes. "Lex was gone for about two hours when I first noticed. About an hour or so later I realized he'd been kidnapped. I found him ..." Clark trailed off. "It usually takes about two hours to get to Metropolis. I'd say that Lex was hanging about an hour before I got to him."

Dr. Sutton was looking at Clark curiously, no doubt wondering at the evasions, but she simply nodded. "Thank you." She pulled the thermometer out and took Lex's temperature. "I'm assuming you have a headache."

"Yes. It's throbbing, actually, and making my stomach hurt. And it hurts a bit to breathe."

"You're not congested," Dr. Sutton said, opening his robe. There was a large bruise on his stomach and chest. "That's probably what's doing it. What happened?"

"He kicked me a few times."

Clark growled softly.

Reaching out, Lex took his hand, allowing Dr. Sutton to run her hands over his torso, feeling gently. "It's ok, angel." He hissed abruptly.

"Does that hurt there?" She touched him again.

"Fuck! No, it doesn't," Lex told her sarcastically, glaring. "Ouch!"

Unfazed by his sarcasm, Dr. Sutton simply said, "Please take off your robe and lay down."

Clark helped him out of the robe. The bruise hadn't even really hurt until she called his attention to it. Now it was all that Lex could think of.

Dr. Sutton ran her hands over the sore spot again, probing it gently.

Lex hissed.  
 _I looked earlier; it looked like you had a small crack._

Wincing at the mental invasion, Lex simply nodded.

"I don't think it's broken," the doctor said after a moment. "However, you've definitely bruised the muscle around it. You're going to need to alternate ice and heat on it every two hours for the next two days. Also, your movement will be restricted somewhat."

 _I can fix that,_ Clark said.

 _Can you do it gently?_

He hesitated a moment, then nodded slowly.

 _Maybe later._ Out loud, Lex said, "That's fine."

"I'll also wrap it up so you'll be less inclined to injure the area more." She touched the side of his face gently.

"Ouch!"

"Did you hit your head as well?"

"Yeah. Smashed into the floor."

She looked pensive. "You'll need to ice this as well. And I'll give you a prescription for medication to take the sting away. Now, I don't think anything is broken, but if you would feel more comfortable, we could take some x-rays to make sure."

Damien walked in the door just then. "Hello, Aimee."

She turned and smiled. "Damien, lovely to see you."

"And you. How is he?" He walked to the bed, standing behind Clark.

"I was just explaining that while I don't think anything is broken, we can take x-ray's just to make sure."

"I don't think that's necessary. Sir?"

Lex 's eyes flicked to Clark before shaking his head. "No."

Dr. Sutton nodded. "Ok then. I'll wrap up the injured area and give you something to take the pain away. The rest will be in pill form, but I think you've suffered enough today for an injection. Oh, and I'd draw a bit of blood to compare with the last samples, if that's all right."

Groaning, Lex sat up, taking Clark's hand. "Why does everyone always want to take blood from me?"

Dr. Sutton smiled, getting a bandage. "I don't know about your last doctor, but I want to see if you still have that chemical in it."

"What chemical?" Lex asked.

"I've never seen anything like it, but your blood was full of it. I looked over Dr. Pierce's records and it seems that it's been steadily been increasing in your blood since December. Before that, there was nothing. When I took your blood last, it was the highest concentration ever. I want to see if it's increased, remained the steady, or declined."

Clearing his throat, Lex gave Damien a hard look. Next to him, Clark was frowning, chewing on his bottom lip.

Damien cocked his eyebrow, indicating that Lex should trust him.

"We want to study it as well. Both your previous records and your new findings," Damien said.

"Of course. I'll fax it to you when I get back to my office." She finished wrapping Lex up. "Now I'll get your blood, give you your medicine, and I'll be on my way."

Lex rolled his eyes and released Clark's hand. _Why don't you get something to eat? /_

 _/ Lex .../_

 _/ Later, love._ He glanced at Damien, _pushing_ Clark away.

"Come, Clark," Damien said, stepping away from the bed "Let's leave them alone for now."

Sighing, Clark got off the bed. "Yeah, sure." With one last glance at Lex, he said, "Bye."

"I'll be here when you get back, Clark. But you do need to eat."

"Fine." When Dr. Sutton's back was turned, he blew Lex a kiss and left the room quickly.

Smiling slightly, Lex leaned back and allowed his doctor to poke and prod at him a little more.

***

Kal frowned when Lex returned to Kiptin. Dropping his Barbie on the floor, he rose and went to Lex. Tilting his head, he reached up and touched Lex's head, feeling the skin there.

Tears welled up in Lex's eyes for the first time since he'd really woken up and discovered what had happened. Sinking to his knees so he was just a bit shorter than the younger boy, he said with a sob in his voice, "I'm bald."

One hand petted down Lex's head, the other wiped the tears away.

"I woke up, Kal. I'm in the hospital, and I'm bald. And everyone keeps looking at me because, because I'm a freak." Lex spat the word with all the scorn he had in his nine year-old body.

As usual, Kal said nothing. In the few weeks that Lex had been trapped in his mind, Kal had only said two words: Ne'yek and Tal chi'ek. Lex had figured out that the first one meant no, and he was almost sure that the second was mine. Kal had said it each time he brought a toy in, as if claiming ownership. The funny thing was, he quickly gave up that ownership, sharing it with Lex. But he never said anything that could mean "yours" or "ours." Lex figured that the little boy just hadn't learned that word yet.

"Dad could barely look at me. He was only there when I woke up, then he left." Lex laughed bitterly. "He left the country. Said he had business in Japan and couldn't stay. But I know the truth. And Mom." Lex began crying harder.

Distressed, Kal began making cooing noises, putting his arms around Lex. He kissed Lex's cheek, then rubbed their faces together.

"Mom can't look at me without crying. She tries, but she ... at least she cares." Lex sniffed, pressing his face into Kal's. "The only one who can look at me is Pam. She's the only one who really loves me."

Kal kissed him again, then pulled away. Taking Lex's hand, Kal led him to the middle of the room. Picking up the doll, Kal went to the bed, Lex trailing behind. The climbed on it.

Immediately, Lex collapsed, boneless. He was exhausted, too tired to deal with anything.

Pushing the Barbie into Lex's arms, Kal wrapped himself around Lex. Still cooing softly, Kal began to pet Lex, soothing the sobbing boy.

Turning his head, Lex looked at his friend. "Do you love me, Kal?" he whispered, clutching the doll to his chest.

As usual, Kal didn't answer with words. Instead, he lay next to Lex, took his hand, and pressed it into his own chest.

Lex smiled, feeling the rapid beat beneath his palm. "Yeah. Me too."  
***  
Lex had fallen into a routine after returning to Smallville. Every morning he would wake at five thirty. After a glass of orange juice, he'd go to his gym and run until six forty five. Running was about the only thing he could do at the moment; it hurt, but not as much as his usual routine did. It also helped that Damien was keeping him well supplied with pain medication to take the aches and pains away.

He was showered and dressed by seven thirty. Breakfast was taken downstairs while reading the newspaper. Lex then spent an hour in his office, going over reports before going to the factory. Most of the day was spent in meetings and running through numbers. The last half of his day, though, he spent in the lab, trying to change his pesticide compound to factor in the meteor.

Lex hadn't made it home before nine all week. And that made it very easy to avoid Clark. It gave Lex a moment's of guilt to know that he was missing the nightly phone calls he knew meant so much to Clark, but Lex just couldn't deal with his lover right now.

He had raised his shields the morning after Clark had saved him. The first day, Clark had respected his silent request and left him alone. After, however, he got worried and tried to force his way in. Ignoring him, Lex hoped that Clark would take the hint. He did, to a certain extent. Realizing that Lex wouldn't talk to him mentally, Clark had begun spending every minute he wasn't doing chores or at school trying to get in contact with Lex.

Lex ignored it all and waited. He was quite aware that he was being childish, but couldn't help it. He'd been hurt, abused, violated, and changed and he was tired of it. If Clark wanted him, then he'd have to take Lex. Lex wasn't going to give in any more.

***

"I'm sorry, but Mr. Luthor is unable to take your call."

Clark sighed, resting his head on his couch as, once again, he was given the familiar response.

"Why not?" he asked Damien, trying to keep his voice level.

Damien cleared his throat. "He's in the lab. He won't be available for a few hours."

"Damien, is he avoiding me?"

Chloe, who was getting ready for the grand opening of the Talon, shot him a questioning look. He frowned and shook his head. Her gaze turned sympathetic as she went back to applying her make-up.

"Of course not," was Damien's response.

"I can tell that you're lying," Clark said accusingly.

"Well, you are a smart boy."

"Have you told Lex I've been trying to get a hold of him?"

"Yes."

Clark's stomach dropped. "Then why hasn't he called me back?"

Damien sighed. "He hasn't told me. Mr. Luthor has been very ... private since the incident at Club Zero. It is not only you."

"Well, that doesn't make me feel a heck of a lot better," Clark snapped.

"I'm sorry, but that is the best I can do. He has thrown himself into his work and will not speak of anything else. I have tried."

"Maybe I should stop being nice. Maybe I should just break in to his room and make him talk to me."

"You could do that," Damien agreed. "Or you could confront him tonight at the Talon opening."

Clark perked up. "He's going?"

"He is one of the owners."

Smiling, Clark said, "Ok then. I will. But don't tell him; he might try and avoid me."

"I promise that I won't." Then, before Clark hung up, Damien said, "When you see him tonight, look at his right wrist."

"Huh?"

"You'll understand when you do." Damien hung up.

With a frustrated groan, Clark slammed the phone back into the cradle.

Chloe put her eyeliner back into her bag. "What's the story now?"

"There is no story. With Damien, there's never a story, just, 'I'm sorry. Mr. Luthor isn't available right now to take your call.' I swear, he does everything but beep before he asks me to leave a message."

Smiling, Chloe patted his leg. "How long has it been since you spoke to Lex?"

"A week."

"And you two didn't fight?"

"No." Closing his eyes, Clark hit the couch gently.

Chloe's hand squeezed his thigh. "I'm sorry, Clark. I know it sucks. But look at it from his point of view: he got kidnapped, violated, beaten, and ... you did say that they had him hanging upside-down, right?"

"Yeah."

"That can be hard to deal with."

"I know it's hard to deal with," Clark told her, annoyed. "I'm fully aware that what he went through is one of those situations that a person doesn't just bounce right back from. But that's why he should let me be there for him! I'm his boyfriend and I want to take care of him!" Clark said, sounding annoyed.

Chloe raised her eyebrow. "I know. But you can't. He doesn't want you to."

That stung. Hurt, he demanded, "How do you know?"

"He won't return your calls, he's avoiding you, and he doesn't seem to want to have anything to do with you. I know it hurts, Clark, and I really am sorry, but I'm just reading the facts and reporting what I see."

"You really suck."

"I'm a reporter, Clark. I don't expect to be liked."

Sighing, Clark lay face down, hiding his face in his crossed arms. "I'm sorry, Chloe. You're not trying to hurt me. I know that." He sniffed. "But Lex needs me." His stomach was twisting inside him with the need to get to Lex, to make him better. When they had left Metropolis, Lex had simply dropped Clark at the farm and left. Left without being healed, without letting Clark make him better. It hurt Clark to know that Lex was out there in pain. Every instinct was driving him to go to Lex and heal him, but he couldn't. Not after Lex put his mental shields up.

He had shut himself off completely. Clark could barely sense Lex in his mind at all. It was scary, being so alone. Lex had been an almost constant presence with him since they had first met, even if Clark hadn't realized it at the time. Now it was like ...

"It's like it was before," he said aloud.

Chloe was laying with her head resting on Clark's back. "What's like it was before?" she asked.

Turning his head, Clark flushed. "Uh ... before Lex and I got really close, he used to get distant from me when he was scared. Close himself off and not talk to me until we saw each other. Even when we did, it would take a bit before his mask would melt and Lex would be, well, Lex. I thought we'd moved past this."

"Nothing like being kidnapped by a vengeance-crazed brother to set you back a couple months." Chloe sat up and stroked Clark's hair. "You'll see him tonight and break the mask. Besides, you're probably right; he probably does need you."

"Really?" he asked hopefully.

She nodded. "Yeah." Chloe smiled at him, then added, "And then you, at least, will be able to spend some quality time with your significant other."

He frowned. "Lana still too busy to spend time with you?"

Chloe shrugged. "Even when she's with me, she's at the Talon. I thought that once she and Whitney broke up Lana would be able to concentrate on me." Her smiled turned bitter. "Turns out that she's every bit as involved with everything but me as she ever was."

"I'm sorry, Chloe."

"It's not your fault, Clark. And, besides. Maybe once the Talon opens, things will calm down and everything will be fine." Her eyes were bright, smile forced.

Clark smiled back, feeling just as sad. "Yeah." He took her hand and squeezed it. "Maybe it will."

***

"Would you just go over there already?" Chloe said, exasperated.

"Look, just because things went well with your girlfriend, doesn't mean that everything is that easy," Clark shot back, glancing across the room to where Lex was standing, surrounded by a group of people.

Chloe peeked around the pole they were hiding behind. "Doesn't she look great?" Clark swore her voice was dreamy.

"Doesn't she always?"

"Jealous, Clark?"

"Yes, I'm jealous." He leaned against the wall, feeling morose.

Chloe shook her head. "Look, Lex is free and skulking in a corner looking sexy. Go talk to him."

"Chloe ..."

"Go!" She pushed him.

Stumbling from behind the pole, Clark turned and stuck his tongue out at her.

"Be careful or your face will stick like that and he'll never take you back."

"But I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Go!" Chloe all but shouted.

Face red, Clark began the long trek across the room. His eyes were locked on the wall just above Lex's head and he tried to look determined.

"Kent!"

Startled, Clark stopped. "Oh, hey Whitney."

Whitney grinned, obviously trying to look as if he were having a great time, but Clark could read the shadows in his eyes.

"You look a little scary. Is something wrong?"

Clark shook his head. "Uh, I have a lot on my mind."

"Yeah. I know how you feel. Want me to get you a drink?"

"Uh, no thanks. I was actually going to go talk to Lex." He glanced over to make sure Lex hadn't disappeared.

He hadn't. Lex hadn't moved at all. He was leaning against the wall, watching Clark and Whitney through hooded eyes.

"Oh. Well I won't keep you waiting. I was just wondering if you wanted to shoot some hoops tomorrow."

Clark blinked at Whitney, surprised. They had talked on and off in the weeks since Clark had been taken by Social Services, but Whitney had never offered Clark any real overtures friendship until now.

"I mean," Whitney said quickly, "I usually meet some friends in the park on Saturdays. I just thought you might want to join us. You know. For a pick-up game or something."

"I'd like to. But I can't tomorrow." Clark glanced at Lex, who still hadn't moved.

"Sunday then? I can't promise anyone else will be there, but we can work on your shots."

Clark grinned at him and nodded. "Yeah. Give me a call Sunday morning when you get home from church, 'k?"

Whitney smiled at him, the shadows gone for the moment. "Sounds good." Clapping Clark on the back, he turned and wandered back into the crowd.

Taking a deep breath, Clark fixed his eyes on Lex and began walking to him again. His heart was pounding, but he was determined to do this now before he lost his nerve.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" Clark asked as soon as he reached Lex's corner.

Looking cool and unreachable, Lex took a sip of his drink. His eyes were still half closed, but his gaze was fixed on some point beyond Clark. "I haven't been avoiding you, Clark."

"Look at me!"

Icy blue eyes flicked to his face, one eyebrow raised.

Voice low and intense, Clark said, "You haven't returned any of my calls, haven't come over, haven't been around. That's avoiding me. What's going on?"

"Do you really want to do this here?"

"I don't really want to do this at all, Lex, but you're forcing this on me."

"Good. Then you know the feeling, don't you?" With those words, Lex turned, set his drink down on an empty table, and strode from the room.

Mouth hanging open, Clark watched him go in disbelief.

"Clark?" Lana said, appearing by his side, looking from him to the departing Lex.

"Just ... I'll see you later. Tell Chloe I said good-bye," he responded vaguely.

"Uh, good-bye, Clark," Chloe said.

Clark barely heard her as he followed Lex. He had gone upstairs, to the office above the coffee house. Ignoring the "Employees Only" sign, Clark followed him, angry, frustrated, and scared.

Lex was in the office, resting his forehead against the wall. He didn't do anything when Clark entered, closing the door behind him.

Walking closer to his lover, Clark studied him. Lex would have looked fine to someone who didn't know him. To Clark, it looked as if he were barely hanging on. Shoulders too tight, back stiff, hands trembling imperceptibly, it was clear that Lex was in trouble.

 _What's going on?_ Clark asked.

"Stay the fuck out of my mind!" Lex shouted, whirling. His nose and eyes were rimmed in red, jaw tight.

Clark took a step back at Lex's fury. "Lex ... what's the matter?"

"You heard me, Clark. I said stay out. My mind is not your playground got it?"

"What?"

Lex smirked. "I'll make this simple for you, Clark." Walking closer to Clark, Lex said, "This is me." He tapped himself on the chest lightly. "And this is you." He pushed Clark, hard.

Stumbling back a few steps out of surprise, Clark looked at Lex. "What was that for?"

"From now on, I want you out of my mind, out of my body, and out of my life. Got it?"

"No!" Clark shouted. "I don't understand! You need to tell me what's going on! I mean, is this even about me?"

"Yes, it is! This is about you coming into my mind and body and changing me! You never asked if you could to any of it, you just did it."

"I'd say I'm sorry, Lex, but I'm not. I wanted to help you, and I did it the only way I knew how."

"Maybe I don't want to be helped."

"Lex, I ... What happened? You've never brought any of this up before. Besides," he added, a thought occurring to him, "you're the one who kept pushing this mental connection we have. You're the one who figured out how to use it, who started it. You were reading my mind first!"

"Oh, that's real mature."

"Like any of this is mature! All I'm saying is how was I supposed to know any of this is bothering you if you keep hiding it from me?"

"Well, now you know," Lex told him.

"No," Clark said softly. "I don't know. Because I don't believe you. Something else is going on, Lex. What is it?"

Lex closed his eyes, fists clenched at his sides. "Just drop it, Clark. Please, just drop it and leave."

"No. Not when you're acting ..."

"I am not crazy!" he shouted suddenly.

Clark blinked, thrown. "I never said that you were."

Lex's eyes flew open. "But that's what you're thinking. You think I've lost my hold on reality, been pushed over the edge, gone nuts." Lex was in Clark's face. "Well I haven't, Clark. I haven't, obviously, because I'm still fucking here, and I can't get there where people can't ..." His voice cracked. Shaking his head, Lex turned away.

"Where people can't what, Lex?" Clark asked softly.

Not answering, Lex went to the wall, resting his head against it. He was silent.

Sighing, Clark rubbed his eyes. He didn't know what to do; Lex was supposed to be the strong one. The one with all the answers. Not Clark. He was only a kid. What was he supposed to do when his older lover had a nervous breakdown?

Clark walked closer to Lex. "Talk to me, Lex. Please."

Lex shook his head.

Sighing again, Clark ran his eyes over Lex's body. He still looked bad, only now he was shaking harder. Switching to x-ray vision, Clark ran his scan again, just to make sure that Lex hadn't been hurt somehow.

He stopped when he got to Lex's right wrist. There was a bracelet around it, dark, no, black by the looks of it. It was wrapped around his wrist a few times, the clasp resting on the fine skin on the inside of Lex's wrist. It was ...

Abruptly, Clark understood.

Taking a deep breath, Clark went to Lex. "Where do you want to go, Lex?"

"I don't." It was almost a choked sob.

He didn't touch Lex. He was afraid that if he did, Lex would break. Instead, Clark simply stood behind him, close enough so he could feel Lex's cooler body heat rise off his body. "Lex," he whispered. "Please, tell me what's the matter."

"Why does everyone keep hurting me?" Lex asked in an anguished whisper.

Clark's heart wrenched. "I don't know."

"I mean ... it's not just these mutant freaks or ... or whatever." He turned, resting his head against the wall.

"I know," Clark said, unable to meet Lex's eyes. "It's me."

Lex closed his eyes. "No. It's ... Dad and ... yeah, you, but you ... I don't mind it because you ..." He took a deep, shuddering breath. "I feel like I'm out of control. Nothing I do ... nothing. They come, they beat me, tie me up, inject me with diseases, stuff cocks in my mouth, or ... rob me, threaten me. The list goes on."

"And I just add to that."

"No. No you don't." He fisted Clark's shirt, holding him tightly. "I just ... you help me, heal me, but I have no control over it. I ... and I keep waking up in Kiptin when I'm not caught in the memories and I just ..."

"Lex." He touched Lex's cheek gently.

Falling silent, Lex released a shuddering breath.

"It's ok to go to Kiptin; I've been going there too."

"No."

"Yes. Lex, they were wrong. You didn't create it, or, if you did, it's not just yours. It's probably someplace you go to outside of your mind, and the reason you go there is because you're telepathic."

Lex shook his head. "But they said ..."

"I don't care what they said," Clark cut him off firmly. "Yes, it's a retreat. And yes, you may hide there when things get rough. But that doesn't mean that you're cutting yourself off from the world. It just means when things get to be too much and you need that distance, you retreat and regroup. That's all. You created it when you were in your coma, but it was outside of your mind and body. Now that you're using your abilities again, your mind is automatically going to a place that feels like home. That plane we used to meet on was dry and kind of lonely; Kiptin is home. And it's ok that you're going there."

"How do you get there?"

Clark shrugged. "I've figured out how to separate my mind from my body. When I was going to rescue you, I trusted my body to keep going while I pulled you into Kiptin. I don't know how I did it. That was the only time I was awake; every other time, I've been asleep or resting." He tentatively touched Lex's cheek. "I wish you'd tell me more about Kiptin. What you did, how you made it, how you felt when you were there; that sort of thing. It might make things easier. You might believe me then."

Lex licked his lips. "I can't. I ... used to get into so much trouble. And when I talk about it, people look at me differently. My dad, the doctors, everyone; they look at me like I'm ..."

"I'm not going to judge you. I don't think you're crazy. Please, just talk to me." Tentatively, he cupped Lex's face and rested their foreheads together.

"I can't, Clark."

"Lex, you need to talk about it. If you don't, it's only going to hurt you more. You'll keep judging yourself." Taking a deep breath, he said, "This is like me not telling you about being an alien. The more you make me say it and hear it, the easier it is. It's freeing. It's the same for you. You're not crazy, but you need to be able to face this without fear. For yourself.

Lex released a shuddering breath. "I can't. Not ... not yet. Not now."

Clark nodded. "Ok. But I'll keep saying it, keep going there, and keep bringing you there. The more we're there together, the more comfortable you'll feel, and, eventually, you'll be able to face it."

"Maybe."

"No. You will. I promise."

Beginning to tremble, Lex nodded slightly. "You'll be there?"

"Yeah." Clark pressed his lips into Lex's forehead. "I'll be there."

Lex nodded again.

Sighing in relief, Clark asked, "Do you want to go home?"

"Yes."

Clark took Lex's hand and pushed his sleeve up, running his fingers over the collar twined around Lex's wrist. "Do you want to put this on?"

Lex smiled slightly. "Not here. My shirt won't hide it."

"Then we'll put it on when we get home."

"Yeah." He threaded his fingers through Clark's, holding tightly.

Pulling Lex to him, Clark kissed him gently. "Ok?"

Lex sniffed and smiled. "I think so." Closing his eyes, he rubbed his face against Clark's a moment. "I really want to go home."

"Me too." He didn't move.

"Why are we just standing here?"

"I don't know." Clark kissed him again, then pulled away. Pulling, Lex with him, Clark said, "Let's go."

***

Lex woke slowly, stretching as he did. For the first time in a week, consciousness was not unwelcome. The heaviness that had been with him had eased and he didn't dread facing the day.

Last night--once Clark had brought him home--had been pure heaven. The first thing Clark had done was march him to the bathroom, strip him, and proceed to bathe him. Clark had joined him after paying a trip to the kitchen and asking Mabel to make them some goodies. They had spent almost an hour in the bath as Clark had bathed Lex, massaging his tired flesh until he tingled.

Once Clark decided Lex was clean and relaxed enough, they got out of the tub. Clark dried him off.

When he was dry, Lex went to his clothes and pulled out the collar, handing it to Clark. "You put it on me," he said.

Looking scared, Clark had started, "Lex ..."

"Clark, please. I need ... I need this. You to do this." Baring his neck, Lex whispered, "Just put it on me, please."

Nodding, Clark had taken the collar and placed it around Lex's neck, kissing Lex as he did.

Once Lex was collared, they had gone to the bedroom where Mabel had left their tray. She had provided them a feast of brownies, ice cream, strawberries, whipped cream, wine, and juice. Clark hadn't allowed Lex to feed himself.

"This is your night," he'd told Lex. "Just lay back and enjoy it." There had been a loving smile on Clark's face, his eyes shining with warmth. But, underneath the glow, there had been just a hint of insecurity and self-condemnation telling Lex that Clark needed to take care of Lex just as much as Lex needed to be taken care of.

So, he had surrendered, allowing Clark to treat him like a precious commodity. And he enjoyed every minute of it.

Sighing softly, he rolled over, burrowing into the warm body next to him.

There was a low rumble that sounded suspiciously like laughter. Toes curling, Lex pressed harder into Clark, rubbing his face into Clark's chest.

"I thought you'd never wake," Clark said, lips caressing the top of Lex's head.

Lex yawned and kissed Clark's chest. "Is it late?"

"No."

"What time is it?"

"Eight."

Lex rubbed his hand along Clark's hip, feeling the bone with his palm. "How long have you been up?"

"I don't know. About fifteen minutes I guess," Clark replied as he rolled Lex onto his back. "I was watching you sleep."

"Liar. You were watching cartoons." He opened his eyes.

Grinning, Clark shrugged. "Well, it is Saturday. And they're new. But I was watching you." He kissed Lex's forehead, brushing his lips over the smooth skin, caressing both eyelids, to Lex's cheeks very slowly, paying attention to every inch.

Sighing, Lex stretched, bringing his arms above his head, groin tightening. "Do we really have to go to breakfast at your house?" he asked.

"Mmmm-hmmmm." Reaching Lex's lips, Clark kissed him slowly, tongue gently caressing his. When he pulled back, there was a lazy smile on his face. "'Morning."

Lex smiled back, feeling as if he were floating. "Morning." His fingers threaded through Clark's hair, pulling him back down.

When they were both breathless and flushed, Lex let him go. Immediately, Clark began kissing his way down Lex's body.

"I promised Mom that we'd go to breakfast when I called her last night," Clark mumbled from under Lex's jaw.

"Why? It would be easier if we had Mabel make us breakfast." Lex said, combing his fingers through the baby fine hair.

Clark licked lightly around Lex's collar. "You just don't want to go to my house."

"I don't want to have to face your parents."

Clark was back up at his face, kissing Lex passionately. "You won't be alone; I'll be there."

"But why does your mom want me there?"

"Because." Clark pulled away, moving back down Lex's body so he was nuzzling his neck. "I sort of said something to make Mom feel bad. I sort of said she was partly responsible for you being kidnapped."

"What?" He hissed as Clark nibbled oh so gently on a patch of skin beneath the collar, stomach clenching.

"When we found the cows, Mom said that maybe I should cool it off with you. That there was a lot I don't know about you and stuff. I know she was just upset, but so was I. So, when I called her from your penthouse, I said something to the effect of, 'Look what happens when I cool things off, Mom.'"

Lex smacked Clark on the back of the head.

Clark's head popped up, eyes wide. "I know I shouldn't have said that. I apologized. I've been apologizing, but she still feels guilty."

"She shouldn't. Because of me, all your cows are dead and the land has been contaminated."

"It wasn't your fault."

"Clark ..."

"Lex." Clark's voice was hard, head hanging over Lex's. Cocking his head, he swooped down and captured Lex's lips with his.

Moaning, Lex pushed his body into Clark's, rubbing his stirring cock into the heated flesh above him. "Yes, Clark?"

"It wasn't your fault. You weren't fully aware about what was going on and had no idea what they were going to do. Yes, maybe you should have told the police or your bodyguard that you were being harassed by someone from your past, but you didn't know they were going to go after my family."

Reaching up, Lex cupped Clark's cheek. "You're my weakness, Clark. You and your family. Any tactician worth his salt would have seen it happen."

Turning his face into Lex's palm, Clark kissed it. "But you couldn't have predicted what happened. And I don't want anyone blaming you. Not even yourself."

Sighing, Lex nodded. "I'll try not to."

Clark kissed him. "Good," he mumbled, sliding down Lex's body. His hot mouth captured one of Lex's nipples and began sucking.

"God," Lex sighed, stomach contracting. "I should start throwing fits more often. I think I like being pampered."

"Feel free to get used to it. I like pampering you." Clark followed the curve of Lex's rib, kissing and sucking gently on the flesh.

Fire beginning to smolder in his veins, Lex nodded. "Sounds good to me." He hissed suddenly, body jerking. "God, Clark."

Laughing, Clark sealed his lips around Lex's bellybutton, licking and sucking at the hole. As usual, that one spot set Lex on fire, making him achingly hard.

Threading his fingers through Clark's hair, Lex tried to urge him lower.

Clark shook his head, tongue teasing Lex. "Patience," Clark told him before dipping his tongue in once more.

"No, Clark, please." Lex knew he sounded strangled, but really didn't care what he sounded like as long as he got what he needed. "I need you in me. Now. No more teasing."

Clark lifted his head. "But ..."

"You made love to me all night, but were never in me," Lex said, propping himself on his elbows. "I ... it's time. I'm tired of being so empty."

"I didn't think you wanted me to." Clark's eyes were huge and serious.

Lex licked his lower lip. "I do."

"I can't guarantee that I won't accidentally, uh, heal anything. I don't know how all this happened in the first place."

Closing his eyes, Lex tugged Clark back up his body. "I'm sorry I said it, angel. I never meant ..."

"Yes. You did," Clark interrupted.

"Clark, this is hard for me. Giving up so much of myself. You don't ask me to ...to surrender myself, but that's what I do. What you and I both want, but it's so hard. I get scared." Lex's heart was pounding so hard, he could hear the echo in his ears, almost obscuring his words. "Everything in my life is spiraling out of control, and you're the only thing that makes sense. And that scares me, because it goes against twenty-one years of training." Clinging to Clark, Lex kissed his cheek and whispered, "I'm sorry I said what I did. Yes, I'm scared about what's happening to me, but I want it more than it scares me. And I need ..." He broke off, unsure how to articulate what it was that he needed.

Clark nodded, and finished, "You need proof that I'm not just messing around with your psyche and body, only to abandon you."

It hadn't been anything that Lex had consciously thought of, but as soon as Clark said it, Lex knew it was true. He'd been trying to push Clark away only to see if he would come back and reclaim his territory.

"You aren't territory," Clark said. The he flushed. "Sorry, but the thought was so loud, I couldn't help it."

"It's ok, angel." Lex kissed him tenderly, tugging laying back on the bed. "Please."

Clark nodded, eyes smoldering. Crawling across the bed, he opened the drawer to Lex's dressing table and pulled out the lube.

Squeezing the tube, Clark spread the gel on his fingers. Bending over Lex's body, Clark peppered his stomach with kisses as he slid one finger inside.

"You're very tight," he murmured, kissing lower.

Lex frowned. "No; I can't be."

Blue eyes gazed up into his. "Why not?"

Sitting up, Lex squeezed the gel into his hands and coated Clark's cock. "You fit fine last time," he said softly, rubbing along the hard length until it was coated.

"Lex, don't. Le ... oh God," Clark groaned as Lex sunk down on him.

Lex winced slightly as Clark entered him, but the pain was fleeting, chased away by the pleasure of being full. Sighing, he wrapped his legs around Clark's waist. "See? I told you I wasn't."

Clark's laughed was forced. "Are you kidding?" He thrust gently into Lex, his voice a moan. "It feels super snug to me."

"Uh, did you just say 'super snug' while we're having sex?" Lex asked, undulating his hips.

With a strangled groan, Clark managed to say, "Yeah."

"Never do it again."

"Got. It." He took a deep breath. "Did I hurt you?"

"No." Lex continued rocking into Clark, heart contracting. "That's another thing you changed. I ... I don't know h-how it works. Y-you ...I ..."

"Are you still talking?" Clark asked as he lowered Lex to the bed, hips pushing into Lex.

"Huh?"

Leaning down, Clark caught Lex's lips with his. Their lips all but melted together as their tongues danced in tandem with their hips.

 _No more talking._ Clark thought.

Instead of answering, Lex simply moaned.

Laughing, Clark nipped Lex's lower lip, and pulled away. Taking hold of Lex's hips, Clark angled him differently and thrust hard.

"Yes!" Lex gasped, jerking off the bed. His arms wound around Clark's neck as his mind began slowly winding its way through Clark's psychic web.

"Oh God, Lex," Clark hissed as he continued his assault on Lex's prostate. His hips moved faster as he met Lex's mind, _sliding_ through him like quicksilver.

Lex's groin tightened. "I'm not going to last, Clark." Closing his eyes, Lex began squeezing around Clark's cock, concentrating on the cluster of the web that centered in that area.

Clark stiffened, hands sliding up Lex's sweat slicked body to caress the skin beneath the collar. "Leexxx," he wailed as Lex squeezed around him again.

Feeling Clark come, Lex let go, allowing Clark's essence--both mental and physical--to flood him, making his limbs feel light and airy.

Clark thrust against his prostate once more, _squeezing_ something deep inside Lex.

Small whines escaped Lex's throat as he came. His head fell back against the pillow, sweat stinging his eyes. Body shuddering, Lex began whimpering, thrusting into Clark's stomach, as his mouth attached to Clark's neck and he sucked hard.

Above him, Clark started making small mewling sounds as he nipped and sucked his way around Lex. A burst of energy and heat flooded through Lex, causing him to convulse, crying out as his arms and legs began tingling.

Gasping softly at the onslaught of pleasure, Lex barely noticed his body rise from the bed. Opening his eyes, he smiled up at Clark. "You're getting better at controlling that last burst of energy," he said, kissing the corner of Clark's mouth. He felt as if he were glowing, he was so relaxed.

Clark grinned lopsidedly. "I figured that I'd share it with you."

"Thanks for the gift." Lex took a deep breath, still trembling from the aftermath of his orgasm. Glancing beneath him, he asked, "Mind setting us down?"

"Sure." Clark sounded very relaxed as he rolled over in mid-air. A moment later, they floated back to the bed.

"Hey," Lex said lazily, propping himself up. "We didn't crash."

"I'm too tired to crash."

Kissing the sweat from Clark's chest, Lex told him, "You really can't afford to be tired. We have to be at your parents in forty five minutes."

Clark moaned. "Why did I say we'd have breakfast there? It really makes more sense to eat here."

Stretching comfortably across his lover, he laughed. "That's what I said."

"You were right." Clark began petting Lex. "You gonna wear the collar?"

"All day. Maybe forever."

"That's a lot of turtle necked shirts."

Lex rolled off Clark and snuggled against him. "Don't care. It means I belong to you."

Clark dropped a kiss on Lex's head, then, as if he couldn't get away, began kissing across it. "You don't need a collar for that."

He didn't answer. Closing his eyes, he rolled onto his side, facing away from Clark.

"You ok?" Clark asked, draping his body protectively over Lex's.

"Yeah," Lex whispered, still feeling as if he were floating. "Yeah, I'm good."


End file.
